Certificate of Completion...Sort Of

The time has come! A "guest" post from Douglas Moffett McNamee himself. While many of you are gearing up for a new school year, we went to a "class" of a different sort on Saturday. Here's Doug's reflections on our all-day adoption class (we even got a certificate suitable for framing!) and where we are in the process...

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So you’ll immediately be able to identify who’s writing this blog just a few lines in as you notice it only requires a 3^rd grade reading level and not the post-graduate reading level necessary for the previous entries by the PhD in communication. Lacy promised a few guest entries from the other half of the adopting McNamee duo (me), so I couldn’t disappoint. My intellect isn’t as high and humor isn’t as witty, but I’ll try to compensate for the lack of both of those by sharing from my heart the excitement I have about our journey...

The last few days have seen a lot of activity for us. Lacy and I took another big step to being “adoption ready” as we completed Generation's all-day orientation class on Saturday. It was a LONG day (in my opinion, *maybe* 1 hour out of the 7 could have been shaved off...but, hey, who's asking me) but still really good.

I like to use bullet points, but I’m not sure they are blog appropriate. I’m not blog appropriate, though, so I’m going to use bullet points and recap some of the more  memorable takeaways from our day.

• We were joined in the class with 10 other great couples - and we were the ONLY couple from Waco. The closest anyone else lived was Ft. Worth, with others from Austin, San Antonio, Houston and beyond. That in itself was a great reminder of a few important things. First, as Lacy and I grumbled at the idea of getting up early on a Saturday and having to spend it all day at this class, we were humbled to realize that everyone else sacrificed even more of their time with many coming in the night before staying in a hotel and all not returning home until late on Saturday. It was a small but significant reminder for us that while, at times, we’ve been frustrated and challenged by our own circumstances, others have had to face much more challenging situations. In addition, it was reassuring to know the great reputation Generations Adoptions has built up across Texas. Many of these couples had plenty of agencies they could have chosen closer to home, but they picked Generations because of personal references, church ties, or general research on the internet of good Christian adoption agencies. Just another example of Waco being underrated with what is has to offer.
• The day was long, but I’d breakdown the really valuable parts into the following four segments: interaction with other couples in similar situations as us, an attorney who specializes in the legalese of adoptions, hearing from adoptive families, and hearing from birthmothers.
• Without question, Lacy and I agreed the most powerful segment was the time we heard from and asked questions of the birthmothers. Two were there to share their stories, and they were impressive women. While very different, both shared the common bond of showing a love for their children that was incredible.  They spoke of their experiences, the situations that led them to make the decisions they did, the pain they endured in the overall process, but, most adamantly, about the joy they had in their hearts because they knew they made the decision to provide their children a better life than they could give them on their own. Throughout the adoption education we’ve received, I’ve held nothing but appreciation and respect for the birthmother. Getting to hear their stories elevated our appreciation and respect to that of ultimate admiration of their courage. While "hero" may not seem a likely word in this situation, in a world where there are many alternative to the direction these women chose, it’s hard to accurately convey the near-heroism and selflessness they displayed with their decision. This isn’t a foster care situation where the State is stepping in to make a decision on behalf of the mother: this is a conscious, brave, and loving choice the mother has made to give her child opportunities she could not provide on her own.
• On a more humorous note, one of the birth moms was asked about how she selected the adoptive parents she did. Of several reasons, they had to like the Dallas Cowboys (she's a HUGE Cowboys fan). She said if you liked the Eagles or Redskins, you were definitely out of the mix. Uh oh. Lacy and I need to hope there are less moms out there cheering for the Cowboys, or we're in big trouble. There are a few non-negotiables in life, and that’s one of them...even if means delaying my timeline to becoming a dad. :)
• The adoptive families (many of whom had their kids with them) were as impressive to watch as they were to hear from. As they shared their stories, you could see the beautiful mixtures of families who clearly loved and were loved by their children. They had a sense of humor about their journeys and encouraged the 11 couples in front of them because they had walked in their shoes. One couple waited 3 months from the time they were officially eligible to bring their baby home and one waited 3.5 years to do the same. But all turned to their faith in the process and were thankful for the outcome regardless of the duration. The biggest takeaway from their stories was this: while adoption can be a painful wait and a messy, awkward voyage, it’s not second place to having your own child. There are so many unique things about adoption that are impossible to replicate, and while you miss out on things you would have in birthing your own child, you also get to be a part of something that you can produce on your own. It was clear to see why people are so passionate about adoption regardless of their ability to have a child of their own.

So we head down the road with a few more big obstacles past us. We still have some final paperwork in the “adoption bureaucratic process” to complete including fingerprints and tracking down a full three-month transaction history of all our checking, savings, and investment accounts. But we are closer each day - and as soon as we wrap those minor things up, the case workers will come to the house for the home study (which I think we are in good shape for because Lacy keeps this place like it's staged for an HGTV show. Ha.). After that point, we’ll be officially “on the clock” to be selected in the adoption draft (in other news, late first round is now looking like it was a little high for Johnny Football, folks).

We don’t know exactly what’s ahead for us and the timeline, but we are certain to expect the unexpected. We're pretty sure there’s a few more curve balls headed our way, but we are more confident than ever that adoption is something we have a heart for - and we anxiously await for what God has in store for us in the months ahead. Your prayers are appreciated and felt. 

Fire extinguishers and felonies...

"If everyone had to do what you're going to do to have a kid, the world population would be MUCH lower." ~ my favorite quote from our agency's orientation session

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Yes, I know. "Favorite" is a strange word choice in this context, but let me explain...

Now, this could just mean that I'm losing it (insert clever confirmatory quip from Doug *here*). However, in my view, it's strangely comforting to hear the hard truths - yes, they're painful at first, but eventually they usher in this sense of comforting clarity. As a self-proclaimed control freak, clarity is my friend...best friend to be exact.

Well, I wanted clarity, and clarity I got...in a tidal wave of information in April. After completing our "pre-application" with Generations Adoptions, we attended a half-day orientation where they essentially laid out the road map along Adoption Avenue. At some point during that afternoon, I thought, "Shazam! Avenue? What Avenue? This is more like a mix master through rush hour traffic!!"  (Note: my internal monologue is the voice of Gomer Pyle from The Andy Griffith Show. That's me on the right there...)

Adoption Avenue/Freeway has a plethora of signs, signals, and lanes that, at first, we just had to take time to absorb and then decipher. Everyone travels down the freeway differently. Here's a little glimpse into what our journey has looked like thus far and will continue to entail...

Step 1: Agencies, agencies, agencies...
First up: choosing an agency (or in the case of some couples, several agencies). We were rather shocked to discover how differently the road looks depending upon the agency you choose: different fees, different policies, different values and philosophies. It's really pretty amazing. As I mentioned, we eventually settled on Generations Adoptions based out of good ol' Waco, Texas (more about "Why Generations?" in a future post).

I look back on this phase with so much fondness. Through personal connections of various degrees, several wonderful adoptive families opened their homes and hearts to us to share their stories, give helpful advice about choosing an agency, and lift us up in prayer. At this point, we also began to share more with friends and family like you and were even surprised to find that some of our closest friends and colleagues were adopted as infants and children. Rarely does the phrase, "you think you know someone..." end on a high note, but, in this case, these were happy surprises.

And with completing Step 1, I was finally excited. Truly EXCITED. Phew, I just teared up writing that...how precious are our blessings? And how little time we take to reflect on them, to revel in them and give thanks?

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6)

Step 2: Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork...

Well, I'll be honest. The excitement is still there, but it certainly is tempered in Step 2. This is where you begin to remind yourself that planning a family, at least for you, will be a marathon not a sprint (and also where you try really hard not to watch MTV's "16 and Pregnant" - you'll just resort to cursing a lot if you do).

We've spent the summer doing a lot of this:

Here's a little sampling of some of my favorite items from the "Checklist for Adoptive Families" - and my internal dialogue upon reviewing them (in Gomer Pyle's voice):

• felony affidavits (if applicable) [Yes! Got out of that one....though, good thing they clarified "if applicable." Doug was NOT going to be happy that we had to, first, go out and COMMIT a felony...and THEN wait around to get a copy of the affidavit]
• pet vaccination records [Shazam! Where are those records?? Let's just get rid of the dogs....that will be easier....wait...that's a little extreme. Lacy, time to take a break.]
• copy of savings and checking account statements [Gawww-leeee! Things are getting personal now! What's next? You need to see my sock drawer?]
• photograph documentation of each spouse's sock drawer [Ah, there it is.]

Oh, and what's that you say? You need to check the lint build-up in my dryer? Sure thing. And then the pantry to make sure we buy Post "Honey Bunches of Oats" and not that Wal-Mart knock-off "Golden Flakes of Goodness?" Check. Dental hygiene records to confirm that we floss daily? Check, check. 

Okay, okay, so those last few aren't real (including the sock draw photos). At this point, though, it wouldn't phase us. Bring it on, bureaucracy. Bring. It. On.

In truth, those have been some of the easier tasks....tedious but not inherently difficult. Other checklist items weren't quite as cut-and-dry. For example, the "Type of Child Desired Form." Now that's a *fun* form to fill out. A sampling of items on that one - and some of the decisions we made for our family:

• Number of children you are interested in adopting at this time: 1-2 [Doug *thinks* two would be "awesome."...Lacy *thinks* Doug doesn't think things through sometimes]
• Race of children you are willing to consider: Amazingly enough, there are 8 boxes to potentially check mark here ~ we checked all of them.
• Please check types of drugs you would accept: Here, there's a smorgasbord to choose from in terms of birth mom's history of drug use before and during pregnancy ~ we've selected a mix of several that we will consider.

Each family makes choices here that are right for them. There is no right, no wrong. Just choices...and the reality that comes with those choices. In the simplest terms, the more boxes you check on this form, the more moms you are compatible with, and therefore eligible for matching [though, it's a lot more complicated than that].

But one thing is for certain: NOW things are getting real.

Step 3: A few more hoops to jump through...
In addition to a lot of paperwork, there are several inspections, classes, and our home study that must be approved before we're ultimately "approved" for adoption. Right now, we're prepping for our fire inspection. That's right, the McNamee Casa is going to be Smokey the Bear's favorite urban retreat before it's all said and done. Doug's really excited about fire safety (Campbell apparently is not)...

You're looking at a brand new "fire spark guard" and an A-1 Fire & Security approved fire extinguisher, folks. No need for stop, drop, and roll in this house. We've got you covered.

After that, we'll move onto the environmental inspection which entails fun stuff like baby-proofing your doors, cabinets, and stairs (or multiple stairs in the case of our "charming" old home - note: "charming" is code for annoying). Good times. Then, we'll take a thrilling childcare class where we'll learn to give a baby a bottle and put him/her in a car seat...because people with Ph.Ds often don't know how to put a small human being in a seat and click the belt...good thing we all listen when the flight attendants unveil that trick for us pre-flight (whoops, Gomer Pyle's gone...now Sarcasm Queen is coming out. Sorry).

After all that, we'll be just a hop, skip, and a jump away from...

Step 4: Eligible for the baby draft!
I love my husband always, but sometimes I really, really like him - I mean, the guy can be downright funny. How does Doug compare being "officially approved" for adoption? Oh yeah, to a professional sports draft.... 

It's actually a pretty spot on analogy. We could go in the first round. We could go in the fifteenth round. Either way, still means we're awesome...just need to find a team that can appreciate us for our undiscovered potential. Hopefully our experience will be less this...

...and more this:

The McNamees will hopefully be eligible for the baby draft in early September. We'll keep you posted. What happens after we're "drafted"? Coming up in the next post...

When life gives you lemons, take a hike.

Doug is annoyingly pure when it comes to beverage intake. By that, I mean he drinks water. That's it. Water. Well, to be completely accurate, 98% of the time he keeps to water. Lame, I tell you.

The other 2% of the time?

Chocolate milk. Yep, that's right. I'm married to a first grader. He loves chocolate milk. It's weird...and totally true. But, oh no, not any chocolate milk will do. No, sir, the little ankle biter has made it clear (on more than one occasion) that only Horizon Organic 1% Chocolate Milk is fit for his delicate little taste buds (and, now we say it all together: LAME). Yes, in his brief hiatus from water, he pours a little glass of moo juice...usually, each day when he gets home from kindergarten, er work. 

Not me. I'm an equal opportunity drinker.

Give me a good Dr. Pepper 10, Crystal Light, Starbucks, or Pino Grigio any day (all right, all right - that *or* should really be an *and*). At any rate, I'm clearly much more accepting of the man-made kaleidescope of liquid wonders than my better half.

But...I never really liked lemonade.

Lemonade...
C'mon neighborhood kiddos: Don't you have anything else in the house you can sell at that curbside stand? Ice tea? Or at least mix it up and go for strawberry or raspberry lemonade, please? Head over to the McNamee house in a few years: we'll be going all out and selling Arnold Palmers. No plain old lemonade here.

Given my disdain for lemonade, the old adage, "When life gives you lemons...," has never really worked as an effective metaphor for me. After all, what counts as a lemon anyway? Isn't that a matter of perspective?

Take pregnancy. When it comes to finding out you're pregnant, for some women - even if for only a fleeting moment - that news might count as a lemon. Strangely, I can sympathize with that emotion [more on that in a future post], yet for some of you, that may be hard to imagine - a baby's always a blessing, right? But for the teenager who can't even process the reality...the single mother who already has two in diapers, while juggling two jobs...the couple who thought they'd retired from the baby-making industry a decade or two ago. For them, that news might, at first glance, look like a big, fat lemon.

Still, in many of those scenarios, after the shock of the news has subsided, the proverbial lemonade-making begins. Add a little sugar (you know, the warm, fuzzy thoughts about being a parent)....and some water (i.e., a little much-needed time and perspective to let it all mellow out)...and, before long...what at first seemed like sour news, is now something to be relished. Ah. A nice tall glass of refreshing lemonade.

But, wait. I don't like lemonade, remember? And Doug only chugs water and chocolate milk. Whelp...so much for that analogy helping us to make sense of pregnancy and parenthood. Let's try something else...

The Road...

Another classic metaphor: life as a journey down a long and winding road. I like this metaphor. It has versatility. It doesn't presuppose that we all like the road, as is the case with the lemonade adage. The road, just "is." Sometimes the road has breathtaking scenery. Sometime it has potholes. And traffic. And construction.

We traveled down the road I'll call "Trying to Make a Baby Boulevard" for a couple years. Sometimes that road was sunny and serene, sometimes it was very dark and scary...and then it was just, well....long. And dusty. And HOT. Like triple digit heat, middle of July in Central Texas HOT.

Call it heat exhaustion, or delerium, or I don't know what, but things get wonky (yes, that's the technical term) on TMB Boulevard after you've been on it too long. For me, after awhile, I was convinced I wanted lemonade and only lemonade. Craved it. Thought it was the only thing that could quench my thirst. Couldn't see my life without it. But that's the crazy, infuriating thing about TMB Boulevard. The longer you're on it, seems like every lemonade stand you stroll up to is closed down....or at least the operators are all inside playing XBox on account of the heat. Sheesh.

And there we are. Standing out in the road. Dying of thirst.

"AAAHHH! Can I get some lemonade up in here?!?!!" [that's me, yelling on the side of the road, with my attitude and emotions in full tilt crazy mode...and, yes, Doug can verify that]

The Road Less Traveled...

You see, but that's the great thing about roads. If you don't like the road you're on, you can always keep trekking in search of a new one. But it takes making that decision. This life-as-a-road analogy was poignantly depicted by Robert Frost. You might be familiar. Here's my favorite parts of his poem, "The Road Not Taken:"

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TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood, 

And sorry I could not travel both              

And be one traveler, long I stood            

And looked down one as far as I could  

To where it bent in the undergrowth;          

Then took the other...

I shall be telling this with a sigh 

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— 

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.
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Recently, we decided to hop on a road less traveled. Sure, I still think about the road we left from time to time...and, for all we know, we might find ourselves back on that road someday...or, in a strange twist of irony, we might end up on "Crap, We're Having Triplets Turnpike." But, back to the road at hand...

I call this new road "Adoption is Awesome Avenue." It took me awhile to get there. Doug had the directions to that road for quite some time, and the sweet man patiently waited while I yelled and cursed and cried all up and down TMB Boulevard. He walked a step behind, or at my side, watching and waiting. Willing to keep trekking down that path with me or off-roading to find a new one.

The Avenue certainly has its own potholes, speed bumps, and confusing traffic signals, but we're glad to have you along as our travel companions. Truly. It makes quite a difference.

And guess what? Adoption Avenue has grocery stores...which will really come in handy when we get a little thirsty for some chocolate milk...oh, and formula (boxes and boxes and boxes of formula).

Take that, all you lemonade stands on TMB Boulevard.

More on the twists and turns that come with Adoption Avenue in the next post...

Welcome...we're not blog people.

That's right. We're not blog people...don't write them...don't read them. Nope, we're not bloggers. Heck, Doug doesn't even like to read (as a professor, it pains me to acknowledge that, but it's undeniably true). 

So, let me repeat: We're not bloggers...or at least we never have been.

But here we are.

At the request of friends and family who want to know more about our adoption journey, we're giving this a go. Don't get us wrong: We'll still love to talk about the whats, whys, and hows of adoption with you in person. I, for one, will talk to you about it until you find yourself searching for the next lull in the conversation to gasp, "Oh, hey, look at the time! I'm so sorry, I have to go," but we also thought that this might help keep everyone up to speed on what's going on throughout the process.

This could be an utter failure...but we're going to give it the good ol' college try to start. 

Beyond providing information and updates, our expectation is that this little tale will chronicle some triumphs and tears...offer some laughs...help us reflect on the process...and (maybe, hopefully) provide encouragement to others that, no matter where life takes you, the Lord "will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart" (Psalm 91:4).

Let's face it: Most of the time, I (Lacy) will be writing these little ditties - and I'll try to aim for once a week. But maybe, just maybe, if we're very lucky, we'll get a guest column from the man, the myth, the legend Douglas Moffett McNamee every once in awhile. To make up for some lost time, we'll start out with a couple entries back to back. So.....here....we....go....